Saturday, January 17, 2009

Embracing the "QUICKIE"

Now that my daughter is back at college, the house is much quieter, as one might expect. During the month that she was home, we were dizzy with her comings and going at all hours of the day (and sometimes well into the night and early morning).

My husband’s two boys from his previous marriage visited several times and although they are still too young (14 and 13) to inflict their own brand of chaos, their presence in the house added to an already hectic atmosphere.

Throw in the “adventures” of my twenty-one year old son who seems to think our home is a cheap motel and my husband and I were very often physically and emotionally exhausted.

I haven’t even mentioned my husband’s recent promotion (increasing the amount of time spent on the job) or my own health issues (MS), which find me in bed, covers pulled up to my chin, when I get stressed out.

I’m not complaining about any of this. Really, I’m not. We’ve been living this version of crazy for over a decade and I think we’ve "nailed it" as far as supporting one another through it all. It is what it is. We always remind one another that “this too shall pass”. And, it does.

But, truth be told, what we notice most in the midst of all the CRAZY is……….we don’t get the “skin-to-skin” time that we really need. Sex has always an essential aspect of what keeps us strong as a couple and we’ll find our eyes meeting (and rolling) as we silently acknowledge to one another that “it ain’t happening today”.

Even when the house is empty (like last night) we never know if we’ll be interrupted (like last night). Sure, we can deactivate the garage door opener and dead bolt the front door, but that doesn’t always work for us cause……..when we’re ready to go………we’re ready to go (like last night).

And, of course, we can always “get a room” somewhere, which we’ve done many times where we can spend hours (1pm-4pm at a reduced rate for members) relaxing in a hot tub, sipping on wine and playing before topping it off with a leisurely meal at a favorite restaurant. But, again, this lacks spontaneity……….and it can get rather expensive.

Enter the “quickie”………..defined (for us) as a sexual encounter, which usually lasts no more than five minutes (more like three). It requires no kissing…….no sweet talkin and no apology if one or the other doesn’t “get there” when all is said and done (within the allotted three minutes). Finally, the quickie always culminates with ordering a pizza.

I use to think (when I was young and naive) that I’d be insulted if my husband couldn't spare more than five minutes to make love to me. Of course, it was called “making love”. He had to WANT to spend hours caressing me and kissing me and "what not" (use your imagination…….then yawn).

That was back when I didn’t fully grasp the allure (and necessity) of the quickie. And believe me, much to my surprise there IS an allure to it. His hand in my hair or my nails across his shoulders……….It’s raw and satisfying and there is seldom a chance of either party being turned down. After all, it’s only five minutes. Certainly he (or I) can manage five minutes. Even if the house is buzzing with activity, no one will miss us for five minutes.

We’re just in our bedroom “changing”.

“We’ll be right out”, one of us calls out if there is a knock on the door.

“But, Mom, the popper on the turkey is up”.

To which I reply, “Okay, I’m coming”

Aaahhhh…….life is good!