My Zen Den

The other evening, I was lying in my bed watching television, which is my normal nightly routine before I fall asleep. I usually watch the Jon Stewart Show.....or at least I begin to watch it and usually doze off before it ends. On this night, I could not fall asleep because I was hearing a noise that, at first, sounded like a motor running outside. It was driving me crazy. I got out of bed, walked around the bedroom, opened all the windows one by one......hoping that the source of the noise would become apparent. Well, it was not a car running. I remember hearing a similar noise last summer before the electrical transformer behind our house "popped", plunging most of our block into darkness. It made this "buzzing" sound that was extremely irritating........kinda made my insides "buzz" also. (Seriously, due to my MS, my "system" is somewhat sensitive to certain sounds, sensations, etc.). Well, it was not the transformer. Again, I remembered the m...

I see I have drifted away from writing about my Multiple Sclerosis here and it does not surprise me. Ever since being diagnosed in 2000, I have found myself NOT talking about it much. Originally, I thought it was because I didn’t want to be one of those people; you know the type. At the drop of a hat, they will tell you all about their skin lesions, hot flashes and itchy vulva. (Please Mom; no more…I never want to hear you use the word vulva again.) For some reason I have always been more focused on those people who really have it hard; people with illnesses that are sure to cut short their lives or those living with chronic diseases that prevent them from living a normal life. My favorite singer/songwriter Dan Fogelberg died of cancer a few weeks ago; out sailing his boat all summer and dead by Christmas. So, I say to myself; what have I got to complain about? It’s a personal philosophy for living life. One of my favorite movie quotes is “Get busy living or get busy dying” from The Sh...

Calling a "snow day" for myself. Woke up this morning at 5am, looked out the window to see everything covered in snow. So, I decided; I won't be there. I'm not going. Don't expect to see me. Count me out. Made a pot of coffee, turned the Xmas tree lights on and sat in my chair watching the day break. This is something my MS has taught me. Take more snow days.

I can't quite put my finger on it........i'm feeling more tired than usual and I'm not sure why. It's been raining here in Chicago for the better part of two days. Usually I like the rain but, right now I'm feeling pretty blue. I am longing for one of those gorgeous summer days, hanging out in the yard, floating in the pool. My husband Jeff put this unbelievable koi pond in the yard about three years ago and it has become my favorite place during the summer to read and meditate. Maybe it's just that simple. I know there is a "disorder" call SAD (seasonal something disorder) that is the result of not getting enough exposure to the sun. Who knows what the heck is going on? As I've said before, the fatigue is pretty much "always there" and, weather permitting, I would go for a long walk, listening to my music. But, that's not going to happen tonight. So, it's on to Plan B...........nice hot bath and a cigar........new episode later o...

Have already done laundry........grocery shopped.........made what I hope is a delicious pot of chicken soup...........now I must close my eyes. My head is pretty foggy and the house will be filling up soon with people..........kids, husband... Damn, too late. My husband just came home and wants to talk about a boat he would like to buy. I'm watching him talk....talk.....lips are moving and I am having a tough time paying attention to what he is saying. This is definitely THE most difficult aspect of MS. I tire easily..........no..... I MEAN EASILY, QUICKLY. It's not just physical, but mental. The increased stimuli of a grocery store or a house full of kids (young adults, actually)... anywhere that is not quiet, which is pretty much everywhere, becomes overwhelming. (Besides, what makes him think we can afford a boat?)

When I began this blog, I wasn’t sure at first what aspect of the disease I wanted to address. Did I want to confine my posts to writing about the physical difficulties of having a chronic disease? Or, did I want to entertain/intrigue the reader (hopefully, there will be readers and hopefully they will be entertained) with my "roller coaster ride" that is called Multiple Sclerosis. I thought for about a FRACTION OF ONE SECOND and decided on the latter since the stories to tell are oh so much more interesting as one might expect. Anyone who knows someone that has been diagnosed with MS most likely knows the general symptoms that accompany this disease. If not, you can check out this website to read about them. National MS Society : Symptoms of MS: Information and Management As I look over this list, I am a bit stunned by just how many of the symptoms I exhibit. This blog will address all these symptoms and how they have affected, and continue to affect my husband, children a...